January 23, 2012

Warning: I'm (prolly) Not Listening

I should listen to Husband.  So he doesn’t sound like a jackass at work.

Husband is Canadian.  I feel for him sometimes when I get into lengthy political conversations around him because I know that unless he quits his job and locks himself in a think-tank with 947 books on American history and political science, he’s at a bit of a disadvantage to have a good tête-à-tête.

Not to say his social opinions and arguments on current events aren’t 100% sound, but as for which American president was in office when the Bolsheviks got on their feet… meh, not so much.

Anywho… I don’t always listen to Husband.  Not because I think he’s uninteresting or unintelligent but because he has terrible timing.  His favorite time to try to engage me in conversation is when I’m cooking supper.  When I’ve been home from work maybe 15 minutes, have three pans all doing something different on the stove, I’ve got one eye on the broiler, I’m trying to set the table and the Onions are telling me about their day. All at one time.

This was the scenario when Husband asked me which office Ted Kennedy had held.  All I heard was Kennedy and I said that he was the president (cheese and rice, how could you not know that?).

Husband:  Are you sure?

Me:  Here (thrusting a handful of silverware in his hands), set the table. The kids get the little forks and I know they can eat with the big forks but I don’t want to eat with a little fork so for the love of God could you just do it like I asked.  What? Yes, he was the president.

Husband: Ted Kennedy was president? (what I heard: I have to bring a box of rocks to school tomorrow what’s for dessert can you wipe my butt when I’m finished president)

Me: Yes I’m sure. Brutus, trade forks with me, please.

The next night Husband comes home from work and wants to have another chat.

Husband:  So, Ted Kennedy was a (expletive) present, ey?

Me [sighing patronizingly]: No, no, no, no… John Kennedy was president. Ted Kennedy was a senator.

Husband:  (Expletive expletive), Mandy.  Why the (expletive) would you let me (expletive) go to work and (expletive) sound like a (expletive expletive expletive)? I (expletive) asked you SPECIFIALLY about it because the (expletive) guys were arguing about XYZ and I (expletive) walk up in there like the (expletive expletive) expert and say that (expletive expletive) Ted Kennedy was a (expletive expletive expletive) president because YOU (expletive expletive) told me he was three (expletive) times.

What I learned from this?  I need to do a better job helping Husband understand when I'm not listening.

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  1. Husband not Canadian. Husband IS male. That convo happens at my house all the time. Just insert another topic . . . expletives and all.

  2. I sooo needed this today, And yes you seriously made me lol. I thought it was understood that wives just dont "hear" husbands? I think it was in my vows and mine agreed, lol.

  3. Julia from Ontario :)April 19, 2013 at 9:19 PM

    Nice going on disabling highlight & copy. Maybe that will fix/slow down those recipe thieves. (I only noticed because I use highlight when I read stuff online!)

    You hubs reminds me of mine (another expletive Canadian)... except he does it when I'm SLEEPING! Pfft!


Hi there! While I'm not able to respond to every comment, I try hard to answer any questions that haven't been addressed in the post, recipe or in other comments. And though I may not respond to them all, I do read each and every comment and I LOVE to hear from you guys! Thanks, y'all! - Mandy

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