November 14, 2011

Tips to Hosting the Perfect Thanksgiving. Or Not.

So, I’m strolling through the internet looking for some information on a Thanksgiving recipe idea I had and came across this darling little gem.

A website (which will remain nameless) had a whole article on how to host the perfect Thanksgiving meal.  After I read the first few tips I was peeing in my pants laughing.  Then I got this visual that whoever made this list surely irons her panties every day. How precious. 



Top 10 Tips to Hosting the Perfect Thanksgiving Holiday Event
plus my 2 cents... because you know I can't help it  

1. Relax. It is very necessary for the host or hostess to be relaxed and in the mood of having fun, for all the guests to enjoy the party.
Me:  You’re freaking everybody out with your need to recreate that Food Network Thanksgiving special. It ain’t gonna happen so just go put your fat pants on and have a glass of wine.

2. Use good quality tablecloths and big, heavy and soft fabric napkins to make a good impression on your guests.
Me:  Use disposable everything, ESPECIALLY the tablecloths so that you can just wrap it all up like a huge bag, throw it over your shoulder Santa style and walk it out to the garbage can.

3. Mix and match silverware, dinnerware and glasses. Position them nicely, for a balanced look and make your table look festive and colorful.
Me:  Mix and match silverware, dinnerware and glasses because normal people don’t have that much sh!t that matches. And because silly you didn't register for a service for 26 when you got married. Either time.

4. Mix family members and guests or children and adults while seating everybody on the table, so that no one feels alienated.
Me:  ALL CHILDREN MUST SIT IN A SEPARATE ROOM. Period. And if somebody gets snarky they’re sitting at the kids’ table too.

5. At each table place setting, keep cards with the name of the person on the plate, to avoid any confusion.
Me:  Or what? Is it really that important that they sit where you want them to? This isn't your freaking wedding, Martha.

6. If you are serving wine to the adults, children will love to be served sparkling cider. Otherwise, they might feel left out.
Me:  Whuck? Feel left out of what? Getting tanked? No, the kids can steal beer and drink it in the garage like we had to when were little.

7. Keep a stack of clean dishtowels ready in the kitchen, where they would be easily accessible for any guests who might want to help.
Me:  Might want to help? Heifer, you better get your Butterball eating behind back here and get cleaning.

8. Turn the television off during Thanksgiving Dinner. It is meant for sharing love and blessings and being thankful for your family and friends, not to waste time watching the idiot box!
Me:  OK, I actually agree with this one.

9. While planning the menu, make sure that all things can be served easily on one dinner-size plate. Do not keep soup in the menu for buffet-style dinner.
Me:  You must not be from the South. We need a whole separate plate just for the side dishes. And who eats soup on Thanksgiving, anyway?

10. Try to coordinate things visually and taste-wise, while planning the menu. visual appeal is as much necessary as delicious taste.
Me:  I’m not really sure I know what that first bit means. Coordinate tall things with things that taste tall? Oh, now I totally get it.

See also Top 10 Things You Need to Accept About Christmas


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31 comments:

  1. Hahaha, your commentary made me laugh a lot, but I think my favorite part: "No, the kids can steal beer and drink it in the garage like we had to when were little." Thanks for the post!

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  2. LOL! Thank you for being real, Mandy. Love it!!! Cindy

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  3. I loved this so thanks for sharing ! It was much needed ! Blessings y'all
    Deena Adams

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  4. You were the ones that snuck into our Thanksgiving get together at Gramdma's, weren't you!! We actually did have some family come and eat with us. After they left everyone wanted to know who brought guests LOL

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  5. This is the best laugh I've had in a LONG time, you are hysterical! I write a blog on entertaining, you need to come on over and give me a good laugh :) and who the heck serves soup at Thanksgiving ;)

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    1. Right?! Half the time I don't even want to serve bread because I don't want it taking up valuable real estate in my belly!

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  6. I am so glad that Kacey reminded me to follow you on Facebook...over wise I wouldn't have just PEED MYSELF LAUGHING at your commentary!

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  7. Thank you sooooo much for this! Takes the pressure off "Great Expectations," that's for sure. I enjoyed your wit and humor. Terrific post!

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    1. Thanks! TG should be about fellowship not fussiness!

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  8. My husband and I host the family Thanksgiving every year (about 40 folks) and I always get a little freaked out, but thanks to your advise..... no more!!!!

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  9. OMG you need a television show!!!

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  10. Ok, so I'm a little late arriving to the party but you are freakin' hilarious and I think you're my long, lost twin. I can see us totally bonding over wine and snarky comments about the "perfect" whatever food related issue you can imagine. Is that too much? I'm really not a stalker. I just know how to recognize my people.

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  11. Steal the Beer! Priceless! Could you imagine our huge southern families reaching across the dinner table grabbing at this and that....how long would it take for the soup to be on the floor? Soup...funny.

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  12. I'm all for cloth napkins and all that eco-loving stuff, but since we host EVERY year, the best peeps are getting is color coordinated solo cups and plates LOL

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  13. Oh man oh man, I laughed so hard! Esp at 4, 6 and 9! Kids always sit at the little kids table and eat first, yeah we medium kids snuck beers out to the garage and wtf with that? Always 2 plates 'cause the Aunt's and Memaws gonna make shore you get a liddle bit of everything!

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  14. I knew I would love this part of your blog! :) Ruth Ann

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  16. Well, I'm a 76 grandma and love,love,love your posts. I usually get "up-tight" with holiday/family dinners, not sure why (can't hold my wine well ?) I bet yours are lots of fun!

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  18. That is the best! I've been hosting my family for Thanksgiving for eight years now. I agree with everything you said sista!! Especially the disposables and tablecloth....love love love it! Oh and we don't have soup in South Louisiana on Thanksgiving, but we do have gumbo!! ;) Keep up the good work!!

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  19. im planning a "perfect " thanksgiving and am feeling so stressed. this totally made me relax and laugh

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  20. I have sat here this morning drinking my coffee and laughing at your articles! I love how you say "heifers" cause I say it all the time, too! I grew up in Mississippi and live in Georgia, so this term is very familiar to me If someone makes me mad, I always called them an "old heifer". This one about the perfect Thanksgiving and the baseball moms just cracked me up. I found your site on Facebook the other with someone sharing a link to one of your recipes. I am making two of yours for Thanksgiving; the pumpkin cheesecake and your Mama's dressing. Love your blog!

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  21. My mother irons her panties. And her bed sheets. So when I read the second paragraph of this article I laughed out loud that someone else can see the insanity that was my childhood. Thank you for the laugh! I love your blog and all of your yummy recipes!

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Hi there! While I'm not able to respond to every comment, I try hard to answer any questions that haven't been addressed in the post, recipe or in other comments. And though I may not respond to them all, I do read each and every comment and I LOVE to hear from you guys! Thanks, y'all! - Mandy

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